Letter

Main hun ye, anshu. Yaad hai ya bhul gayi?

Kaisi ho?
Acchi ho? Umeed hai acchi hi hogi.
Main jo nahin hun ab preshan karne ke liye.

Ek message likhe hai maine ye, kehne ko to message hi hai ku ki hai to shabd hi but agar samajh aa jaye to baat alag hai. 2-2 4-4 line likhke mitake 4 mahine mein likha hai. Ye mera aakhri message hai tumhare liye, Isko galat way mein mat lena abhi, kyun ki kuch der baad tum samajh jaogi ki kyun aarkhri hai. Bas ek chhoti si request hai... jab tumhara mann shant ho aur tumhe thoda waqt mile, tab ise aaram se padhna. Iske har shabd mein sirf sacchai aur mera pyar hai tumhare liye. But use mehsoos karne ke liye last page tak jao dheere dheere. Fir jo bhi hoga accha ya bura dekha jaayega.

Preface (प्रस्तावना) -: Ye letter ya message jo bhi kaho, mere andar jo घट raha hai uske bare mein hai bas.

Situ main tumko bahut pyar karne laga hu sach main, ye sab kaise ho raha hai mere sath pata nai but mere emotions mera mindset sab bilkul change ho gaye hain pata nai kaise. Tum aisa sochogi ki pyar karne laga hu se kya matlab hai, kya pehle nahin karta tha, tum khud hi sochke dekhna kya hi pyar kiya maine tumko kuch nahin de paya. But ab kuch aisa ho raha hai jo mere bhi samajh se bahar hai. Maine apne apko transform kiya hai jabse mujhe apni galtiyan nazar aane lagi hain, maine sach main tumko koi sukh nai diya bahut galat kiya tumhare saath. Main to khud shock main hu ki ab tak main kis mindset ke sath jee raha tha, tumhari importance hi nai samajh paya na tumhara pyar samajh paya main kabhi.

Main tumse koi bada vaada nahi karunga. Bas itna keh sakta hoon ki har din apne behavior se tumhe mehsoos karwana chahta hoon ki tumhari meri zindagi mein kya importance hai.

Bas tumhare ghar wapas aane ka wait hai, fir main bahut bahut bahut khush rakhunga tumko, literally Rani banake rakhunga tumko palko pe apni aur sab sukh dunga tumko, jo ki mai miss kar gaya tha ab tak. Ab meri aankhein khuli hain achanak se. Ab main samajh gaya hoon tumne kya saha hai.

Tum mujhe chhod ke gayi ho uska to dukh aur gussa hai hi but ab na jane kyun, Mujhe dukh iss baat ka jyada hai ki Almost puri life tumne dukh hi paya hai. Aur fir mere pass aayi tum meri zindagi mein, tab main bhi itna samajhdar nahi tha ki tumhari kadar kar pata But ab mujhe realise hota hai ki main tumko khushi nai de paya, lekin bas ab aur nahin. Main khada hona chahta huun tumhare liye.

Jitna mere se ban padega utna sab karunga tumhare liye. Bas tum vishwaas rakhna mere upar. Tum vishwaas banaye rakhna aur main apne apko tumhe सौंप dunga.

Main jaanta hoon ki vishwas maanga nahi ja sakta jab ek bar aap usko todd chuke ho. Lekin Main apne changed mindset se aur apne behavior se use dheere dheere wapas jeetne ki koshish karunga.

Mera bahut man hai, main ek Situ banana chahta hu, ekdam next level. Log pehchaan nai paayein tumko. "Bold and Beautiful"
Main chahunga ki tum khud ko khush, sukoon mein aur apni nazron mein keemti mehsoos karo. "I will always stand beside you."

Ab main bhi proove karna chahta hu apne apko ki pyar hota kya hai, khair tum to janti ho but mere to abhi recently hi samajh main aaya hai aur ab jab sab samajh aaya hai to tum ho nahi mere pass, kya zindagi hai yeh. Tum to bani hi pyar karne ke liye ho, lekin kya karu babu ab tak mera dimag na jane kaha tha.
Tum meri patni ho, meri zindagi ka bahut aham hissa ho, aur tumhare pyaar ki kadar main bahut der se samajh paya.

Mujhe cheezein samajhne mai thoda waqt jyada lag gaya uske liye bi I'm sorry!!!

Main tumko khush nai rakh paya, bahut afsos hai mujhe. Iss afsos iss regret ke sath na jeena pade muje isiliye ye message kiya hai maine tumko. Bas tumko duniya ki har khushi dene ka mann banaya hai maine, aur koi goal hi nahi bacha life main jaise. Pata nai kya ho raha hai mere sath suddenly, tumhari jo energy universe mein travel kar rahi hai, use mehsoos kar sakta huun main.

Main sirf tumhari ya apni galtiyon ko nahi dekh raha. Shayad hum dono se galtiyan hui. Ho sakta hai tumhari bhi kuch majbooriyan, gusse ya faisle rahe hon jinhone hume aur door kar diya. Lekin is letter mein main tumhari galtiyan ginane nahi baitha hoon. Main sirf apni zimmedari kabul karna chahta hoon. Kamiyan sab mein hoti hain, mere mein bhi hai and for sure tumhare mein bhi hai, But maja wahan hai jab ek dusre beech uss level ki understanding/love/affection/care ho ki kamiyan dikhna band ho jaye.

"Aaj peeche mudkar dekhta hoon to samajh aata hai ki tumhari sabse badi khoobi sirf tumhara pyaar nahi tha. Tumhara sabr, tumhari parwah, aur har chhoti baat ka dhyan rakhna tha... aur maine us waqt un sab cheezon ki kadar nahi ki.

"Ek baat zaroor samajh nahi paaya.
Kaise Itne time tak mujhse door rehna decide kiya hoga tumne?
Kaise tum mujhe block kiye baithi ho?
Kaise? Kaise? Kaise? Aise bahut se kaise? hain mere dimag main.
Kya tum pagal ho chuki ho?
Kaise tumne ye number(84419......) band kar diya ye jante hue ki ye humare rishte ki buniyaad raha hai? koi nai main zinda rakhunga isko humesha.
Fir bhi main ye message likh raha hu ye soch ki Shayad in sabke tumhare paas apne reasons honge, aur main unhe samajhne ki koshish karna chahta hoon ab.

Itna hi kahunga ki ab Bas ek chhoti si guzarish hai... agar kabhi hum dobara saath chalein, to dono purani zid attitude ego aur purane gile-shikwe peeche chhod dein. Dil se chahta hoon ki hum dono sirf pyaar aur samajhdari ke saath ek nayi shuruaat karein. Jaisi tum shadi karke aayi thi na waisi situ mujhe wapas chahiye bilkul untouched. Bas mere liye pyar bacha ho tumhare dil main.

Meri ki galtiyon ki koi क्षमा hoti na, to wo bhi main maang leta tumse but meri galtiyan uss kaabil nahin hai. Samajhta hun main.

Ek baat aur-:
Pyar to main tumko itna karta hu ki wo to maine likha nahi hai, ye soch ke ki kahin tumko fake na lage. Mujhe laga agar main apne dil ki har baat likh dunga, to shayad tumhe lage ki main bas shabdon se tumhe manaane ki koshish kar raha hoon, lekin ye to mera maqsad hai hi nahi. Isliye sirf utna hi likha hai abhi bhi aur aage bhi, jitne mein tum mere dil ki sachchai mehsoos kar pao.

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मैं हूं गुमसुम तू भी खामोश है
सच है समय का ही सब दोष है
धड़कन धड़कन इक ग़म रहता है
जाने क्यों फिर भी दिल कहता है
जी ले ज़रा, जी ले ज़रा

Important:- Ye mera aakhri message isiliye nahi hai ki main blocked hu aur tum mujhe block karti ho, isiliye hai ku ki ab mere pass bolne ko batane ko kuch nai bacha hoga jab ye letter khatm hoga uske baad, tumko bhi abi nahi but pura padhne ke baad realize ho jaayega ye 100%.

Main to sabkuch iss message ke bharose chhod raha hu, last kuch months se jo mere sath ho raha hai wo main apni real feelings tumse share kar raha hu.

Ab jo karna hai wo tumko karna hai. Tuktuk ko dono ka saath chahiye, yeh ek cheez hai jo mujhe roz sochne par majboor karti hai.

Hum dono ke saath-saath Tuktuk bhi hum dono ke pyaar aur saath ki haqdaar hai. Isi liye dil chahta hu ki agar kahin bhi ek chhoti si umeed bachi ho, to hum usse ek mauka zaroor dein.

Tum chali gayi, fir mujhe block karti ho aur itna lamba time nikal diya hai, gussa to bahut tha mere andar but meri galtiyan kuch jyada badi rahi hain isiliye sabkuch bhula ke hi ye message likh paya hu.

Ab please samajhdari dikhao jo ki tum ho mere se jyada, ek kadam badhao. Jab bhi tumhara dil aur mann taiyaar ho bas call karo, message kar lo, green button daba do ya mujhe unblock karo kaise bi bas baat kar lo. Jyada mat sochna, kuch nai bigdega sab sahi ho jaayega. Lekin abhi nahi, ek bar pura padh lo fir sochna.

Main tumhari importance samajh gaya hu.
Bas itna sochta hu... kya kabhi tum bhi apni life mein meri importance ko samajh paogi?

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Ab ek last Most important thing. Waise to mera man nahi tha negative sochne ka lekin mujhe laga ki Iss case ko bi dhyaan main rakhna bahut hi jyada jaruri hai.

Wo ye ki in case abhi bhi tum koi kadam nai uthati ho ya nai uhthana chahti ho, ku ki tumhe mere message mai koi sacchai na lagti ho ya tum mujhe bhul chuki ho aur ab wapas nai aana chahti ho aur ya koi aur tumhare dil main bas gaya ho. Tab to fir main kuch bi nai kar paunga, kuch bi nai. Bade bhari man se likhna pad raha hai ki fir to bas ek anmol rishte ke दुखद अंत कि शुरुआत hi hogi.

Lekin main tumko bata du ki situ zindagi rukne wali nai hai ab, main apna thought process mindset bilkul change kar chuka hu, maine apne apko ek bar pura khatam karke fir bahut mehnat se dobara banaya hai aur isiliye ab main ek acchi zindagi jeeunga, lekin woh zindagi main iss afsos ke sath nahin jeena chahta ki maine jo galat kiya tumhare sath wo sab main sahi nai kar paya. Isiliye iss regret se bahar nikalne ke liye mai tumko wapas bula raha hu aur dusra sach ye ki main to bas apni life apni better half ke sath matlab tumhare sath celebrate karke jeena chahta hu, ku ki pehli priority tum hi ho.

Baki fir tumhari marji.

Main to humesha dua hi karunga ki tum jahan bi raho khush raho aur tumhara peecha karna bi chhod dunga.
Khair main mar to nai jaunga tumhare bina, lekin ek baat ka bharosa dilata hu, tumhara to nai pata lekin main to atleast tumhari jagah kisi aur ko nai dunga kabi bi, tum humesha mere dil mein mere paas rahogi meri yaadon mai mere sath rahogi, bhale hi afsos ke sath lekin rahogi jarur. Yaadon ka bojh waise bada bhari padega mere pe, lekin ab main manage karleta hu.

Main ek baat acche way mein aaj wapas kehna chahta hun, tum sirf meri ho sirf meri aur humesha meri hi rahogi, uparwale ne mere liye hi banaya hai tumko.

Bas tumhara saath chaiye mujhe aur sach batau to mujhe meri situ wapas chaiye jiski godi main sar rakh ke main so saku ro saku jee saku aur atlast chain se mar saku. Itni si khwahish hai meri.

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Aur jahan tak baat hai humari bacchi ki 🥰Tuktuk🥰 ki, uske baare mein likhne ke liye mere paas bahut kuch tha. Maine likha bhi tha bahut kuch, phir mita diya. Ku ki abhi main uss stage tak nai jana chahta aur mujhe laga ki uske baare mein faisle shabdon se nahi, hum dono ke saath milkar hi hone chahiye, aur isme kisi teesre ka involvement sehen bhi nai karunga. Thoda rude lagega tumko but ye hi sacchai hai.

Le to kab ka hi jata main usko, lekin maine bahut socha tha aur mehsus ho gaya mujhe ki mai akela usko nai paal sakta isiliye wo abhi tak tumhare paas hai aur isiliye bi main tumhara sath chahta hu. Main chahta hu ki tum meri takat bano kamjori nahi.

Sach sunn lo tum aaj, main nahin hun yaar tumhare bina kuch bhi, main zindagi mein kuch bhi haasil karlu lekin agar tum nahi ho mere sath to sabkuch व्यर्थ hai, sala ladai jhagde karke bhi sath thi to sukun tha ki mere pass hai meri hai.

है ज़िन्दगी माना दर्द भरी
फिर भी इसमें ये राहत भी है
मैं हूं तेरा और तू है मेरी
यूंही रहे हम, ये चाहत भी है
फिर दिल के दिल से, पुल क्यों टूटे हैं
क्यों हम जीने से इतने रूठे हैं
आ दिल के दरवाज़े हम खोले
आ हम दोनों जी भर के रो ले
जी ले ज़रा, जी ले ज़रा

Shayad ismein maine apni self-respect aur apne ego ko bhi ek taraf rakh diya ho, lekin mujhe laga ki tumhare saamne poori sacchai rakhna isse kahin zyada zaroori tha.

Maine tum par koi dabaav daalne ke liye ye message nahi likha. Na maine tumhe force kiya, na request ki, na haath jode, aur na hi tumhe manaane ki koshish ki.
Pata hai kyun?
Kyun ki babu, main ab tumko Dil se pana chahta hu, muje tumhari sirf physical presence ki koi jarurat nai hai. Behad sundar ho tum but samjho sirf tumhari is khubsurati ya physical presence ka kya karunga main jab dil hi khali ho. So main tumko dil se pana chahta hu isiliye tum please message khatam hone baad apne mann ki gehrayi main jake dekhna agar main andar kahin mila tumko aur tumhara mann aur tumhara dimag ye bole ki tu jaa situ, Tab hi aana.

Main tumko koi meeting karke ya haatha jodi karke ya samjha bujha ke nai lana chahat ab, I'm so sorry!!! Kyun ki pata nahi mere liye tumhare dil main jagah bachi hai ya nahi.
Isiliye main to chahta hu ki agar abi bhi main tumhare andar kahin Zinda hu aur tumhara man kehta ho ki Situ wapas laut jaa ab apne ghar, apne pati ke pass. Tab hi aana babu.

Otherwise, sirf kisi wajah se ya samjhaane se tumhara wapas aana hum dono ke saath अन्याय hoga. Pehle tumhara mann aaye... phir tum aana. Mere hisaab se wahi ek sahi shuruaat hogi.

Aur mann ki jo baat main baar baar kar raha hu, usko gehrayi se samjho tum. Dekho agar meri aaj ki emotional state ko dekhkar tumhara mann badalta hai, to wo bhi mujhe bilkul bhi manzoor nahi hoga. Kyun ki Iss message ka maqsad tumhara mann badalna bilkul bhi nahi hai.
Mujhe tumhare dil ki wahi स्थिति manzoor hogi jisme tumhare jaane ke din se lekar, aaj iss waqt tak, main agar tumhare andar kahin zinda hu to. Bas umeed karta hu ki aisa ho.... aur tum jarur aao.
Maine isiliye tumko na upar kahin kaha na neeche kahin kahunga ki "please wapas aa jao". Galat ho jayega wo.

"Pehle jo 2–3 messages maine tumhe bheje hain, unmein main sach mein kamzor pad gaya tha, koi mindset hi nahi tha. Aur last telegram wale message ke liye to main sorry bolta hu, mujhe private pics nahin bhejni chaiye thi. Lekin iss baar ye message maine poore hosh, poore dil, poore pyaar aur ek bilkul naye MINDSET ke saath likha hai. Isiliye iss message mein tumko kuch nahi milega na nafrat, na gussa, na dhamki, na zabardasti, na possessiveness, na haq jatana, na ego, na zid, na shikayat, na ilzaam, na emotional pressure, na guilt, na daya ki ummeed, na majboori, na dikhawa, na matlab, na ahankar... na koi shart aur na hi koi swarth.
Jo milega, wo sirf mera pyaar hoga tumhare liye aur sirf sacchai aur itni si umeed ki agar tum aao, to sirf apne dil ki awaaz par aana, main agar zinda hu tum me kahin to aana, jruur aana."

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( na guilt ) Tumne jarur notice Kiya hoga isko, guilt is message main nahi hai, actual mein mere andar guilt kaam kar raha hai aur wo kehta hai ki jo tune galat kiya hai uske saath usko na sirf sahi kar balki ab ek next level pe leke jaa tu apni babu ko, jahan pahunch kar usko bina tere ek shabd bole ye mehsoos ho ki maine paa liya wo insaan jisse maine kabhi pyar kiya tha.(Kyun ki tumne saccha pyar kiya tha, aur main jaanta hun)
Actual mein main kuch mahino se nahi takreeban 1 saal se main iss guilt se pareshan hu.
Fir lsi beech mein main isolation mein gaya 10 din aur fir 11वे din maine decide kar liya aur sab kuch badal dala. Isiliye pehle maine apne apko develop kiya hai, bahut mehnat se kiya hai aur sirf tumhare liye kiya hai aur fir ye message likha. Tumko apni motivation banaya hai maine aur isiliye main har pal tumko apne andar jeeta hu, har ek kadam par mujhe tumhari jarurat mehsoos hoti hai. Main akela kabhi kabhi tumhare room main tumhare pillow(तकिया) par sota hu aur tumse baatein karta hu, Bas jawaab nahin milta mujhe.

Dekho situ agar tumhe kuch badlav mehsoos ho to uski jimmedari meri nahi hai, kyun ki maine kahin bhi mention nahin kiya hai ki main badal gaya hu, maine faltu ke waade nahi kiye hain, Kuch jagah tumko lag sakta hai kuch unrealistic kuch filmy bol raha hun main, lekin koi baat nahi yehi hai Jo change hua hai wo hai mera "MINDSET" aur wo ab mera behavior badal raha hai bas, ye psychological reality hai.
Otherwise main aaj bhi badi jaldi irritate hota hu, pehle se kam but gussa karta hu aur patience level to abhi bhi bahut kam hai, Lekin bas mera mindset change/ultimate ho gaya hai ab, aur main ban gaya hun ek

"Lone Wolf with a Killer Instinct".
as a Cloud Native DevOps Engineer &
DevSecOps Specialist.

Isi ke sath Maine to na chahte hue bhi kafi kuch bata diya hai. Ab tum dekh lena apne hisaab se ki ku tum kya chahti ho. Meri kisi baat pe ya kisi ek शब्द pe bhi shak ho tumko to puch sakti ho chaho to. Baki fir tumhari marzi.

Waise ek aur wajah rahi hai ye message karne ki, Jane ku mujhe lagta hai ki ek din tum jarur aaogi, Otherwise mari hui उम्मीदों ko jagana chhod chuka hu main.

Kisi pal tumko ye laga ho ki main bhul gaya huun tumko, aisa sochna bhi paap hoga. Aisa jabhi mumkin hoga jis pal main apni aakhri saans lunga. Uss din hum humesha ki liye juda honge otherwise kabhi nahin.
Pata nahi kaunse acche कर्म kiye honge maine jo Tumhare jaisi ladki mujhe mili hai, Tumne mujhe chuna sabko chhodke chuna sabse ladke chuna aur apne mann se chuna isiliye ab tak jo hua so hua but ab main tumko galat sabit nahin hone dunga. Tum wapas aao ya na aao koi phark nahi padta, lekin main tumko sahi sabit jarur karunga.
Duniya ko bhi pata chalna chahiye ki tumhara Annhu cheez kya hai, aur ultimately tumne jo kiya wo sahi kiya hai, tumhari taraf uthne wali har ungli ka jawab main dunga.
Tum aaj se free ho jao dil, dimag, duniya sabse, ab tumhari puri जिम्मेदारी main lunga, aur pura karunga chahe mujhe apna आस्तित्व daav pe lagana pade. Jab tum laga sakti ho to main kyun nahi laga sakta.

Saccha pyar karne wale milte kaha hai aajkal, jo tumne mujhse kiya tha. Log to sharir ki bhuk mitane ke liye shadi karte hain, laalach mein aakar karte hain, family pressure mein karte hain lekin tumne aisa kuch nahi kiya.
Shayad maine bhi nahi, lekin ye tum decide karna.

Halaki mujhe ye sab samjhane main hi bahut time lag gaya isiliye ho sake to apne mann mein hi mujhe क्षमा kar dena. Nahi samajh paya, Kya karu?

Isiliye ab baki bachi hui zindagi tumhare saath tumhara hokar aur tumhare liye jeena chahta hun aur tumhari aankhon se ye duniya dekna chahta hu.

Sahi kehti thi mummy, "ya to kisi ke ho jao ya use apna bana lo."

Abhi tak to bina tumhare jaise bin परछाई hi jee raha huun bhari dhoop mein.

Lekin iss pyar mein itni shakti hai ki tumhare kareeb na hone ke दर्द mein bhi itna sukun hai ki jab tum pass hogi to kitna/kya hoga. Dar lagta hai soch ke.

तुझे कह दूं या रहने दूं राज़ मेरे
सब कुछ कह दूं क्या तुझको

तेरे आने से ये दर्द चला जायेगा
इसी बात का डर है मुझको

Tumhara time waste ho raha hoga bas Ek baat aur, tumhare mann ki jo sthiti mujhe manzoor hogi, wo main bata hi chuka huun, uske bina to main kabhi aage nahin badhunga na tum badhna aur tumhara mann na badal jaye isiliye Maine intentionally lss pure message mein tumko koi उम्मीद nahin di hai.

लेकिन....
किस्मत की सबसे खूबसूरत आदत पता है क्या है, वो वक्त आने पर बदलती है।

****और तुम्हारा वक्त आ गया है अब,
बस इतना जान लो****

Ab message lagbhag khatam ho chuka hai, isiliye ab puch raha hu. Tumhe ye sab padhkar ajeeb lag raha hoga na, ajeeb se shabd, ajeeb si language, Wo isliye ki shayad tumne mujhse ye sab expect nai kiya hoga kabhi.
---------------------------------------- Ab kar sakti ho.

(Ye sawal bhi hai jawab bhi)

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ग़म के ये बादल गुज़र जाने दे
अब ज़िन्दगी को निखर जाने दे
छोड़ दे अब यादों के दुःख सहना
सुन भी ले जो दिल का है कहना
जी ले ज़रा, जी ले ज़रा
कहता है दिल जी ले ज़रा

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Ab kya pata message samajh nai aaya ho to isiliye pure message ka Conclusion(निष्कर्ष) likh raha hu bas 4 line main, shayad ye samajh aa jaye -: ***Actual mein mera mindset ab aisa change ho gaya hai ki main bas jeena chahta hu ab. But mushkil ye ho rahi hai ki tumhare sath aur usse bi jyada tumhare liye jeena chahta hu main. Aur sawal abi bi wo hi hai "Lekin kyun?". Iska jawaab khojte khojte main thak gaya yaar aur isse pehle ki main pagal ho jau maine ye message likh diya. That's it.***

Ek hi सर्वार्थ सत्य hai, jo hota hai acche ke liye hi hota hai, pehle 3 mahine ke liye gayi thi wo bhi accha hi tha aur ab 3 saal ke liye gayi ho wo bhi accha hi hua, Ab aage jo hoga wo bhi accha hi hoga.
Zindagi chalte rehne ka naam hai, behta hua pani hi peene layak hota hai.

Good Night !!!
So jao, aage ka message nahi padhogi to bhi chalega.

Pura padhna chahti ho? to Ruk jao 5 minute....
Yahi woh waqt hai jiska maine upar zikr kiya tha — "apne mann ki gehrayi mein jaake dekhna."
Ab aankhein band karke bas ek baar apne mann ki gehrayi mein utarna. Socho kya karna chahti ho.

Kya socha?

Dekho agar delete block ignore karne ka hai mann to koi baat nahi. Bas fir iss sawaal ka jwaab deti jana YES or NO mein ---

****"Tum khush to ho na?"****

Ab agar tumhara Yes or No bi likhne ka mann na ho to bhi koi baat nahi, pressure kisi cheez ka nahi hai tumhare pe, main samajh lunga ki meri baat tumhare dil tak nahi pahunch saki 😥
Fir to ek chota sa kaam karna tum.

***Bas Mujhe yaad rakhna humesha.***

Khush raho, Meri Rani.

I love you Babu